Thinking... lots of thinking

So... trying to stick with once a week posting. I just forget about it.

My week: pretty easy. The girls only went to school one day, so I had lots of cuddle time with them! I love cuddle time.

Yesterday I was a horrible person (at least in thinking and for the first part of the day). I was watching the today show and they were doing the segment about birthdays of people who are over 100. This lady popped up that was celebrating her 107th birthday. do you know what my very first thought was? If you would have shared the wealth and died 15 years ago maybe my grandmother would still be alive. Okay, yes I felt bad after I thought it but i still felt it. Yes I know logically it doesn't make sense and her life had no bearing on my grandmother's life or death... but i still felt it. horrible i know.

After i was done being horrible, I took the girls to the park. they love the park... they love being outside! After we played for about an hour went to to lunch with Granna (my mom). then I pushed my limits and headed to the grocery story. They were so good all day for me... no nap and all! I am sure my sister was cursing me last night, but i dont care!

While we were in the care yesterday, I came across a song that i used to just love... and now it just make so much sense to me. it is :world spins madly on" by the weepies. okay here are the lyrics:

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on.

I am so stuck in this right now. Why does the world keep going... why does everyone else get to keep moving on and I am just so stuck? It sucks... these words are my life. and while I think this song is referring to a romantic relationship, it is all of my relationships... it is losing on of my best friends, my grandmother's death, my friends lives being set into motion and mine just wont get started no matter how hard I try. I just want to stay in bed and sink. But i don't. I'll put a video up with the song at the end of the post. it is an awesome song.

On to different and not as depressing things. I am hungry! Church is having a Back Lot Film Festival today and I am part of the group that helps set it up. It is really an honor to finally be involved in it's 4th year. It is a really fun event where people from church creates movies and we all get together, dress up, and treat it like the oscars. I am running late right now to get back up to the church and keep decorating for it. It will be a great night and I am excited. I'm not getting all dressy dressy. The original plan was to do duct tape dresses... then it was for 20s style flapper dresses (most i think stuck with this) but I didn't ever do my dress... so I', not sure what I am wearing yet. 

I think that is is for now. I know I had a lot more to say thinking about this post, now it is just all gone from my head. oh well. enjoy the song.